Embracing Setbacks: Wisdom from Half a Century of Writing Journey

Experiencing rejection, especially when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started pitching story ideas five decades ago, right after completing my studies. From that point, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. Over the past score of years, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I face a setback every few days—adding up to more than 100 times a year. In total, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished This?

Some context: Now, nearly everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

For example: lately, an editor turned down 20 articles in a row before accepting one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors vetoed my book idea before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor requested that I send my work less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, each denial stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would editors be overlook my skill?
• Next, denial. Maybe it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). How can I convince you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in good company. Accounts of creators whose books was at first declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his youth squad. Most American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker says that his script for Rocky and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the seventh stage of setback. Peace. Currently, I grasp the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an editor may have recently run a similar piece, or have one in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator thinks I lack the credentials or stature to be suitable. Or isn’t in the field for the work I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my piece too fast to see its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Anything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Others are within it. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my writing style, particularly semicolons, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at older—and over a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in publications large and small, in diverse platforms. My first op-ed was published in my twenties—and I have now contributed to various outlets for half a century.

However, no major hits, no signings publicly, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more readily accept no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can choose to be reflective about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but when you listen to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what insights have I acquired?

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